**You can turn these captions OFF and ON using the CC button below. It’s funny how things happen. I didn’t even want to go to that party that night. Little did I know my entire life was about to change. Yo yo yo party people! The talk dance is next. And the spotlight randomly falls on this dude! and also on this girl who reads with her fingers in the middle of a party! Eh? No, hey guys. No you can’t just grab people. Huh? Come on… you’ll like it Listen, I don’t know how to talk – go away! I just ate a peanut. What? Why don’t you say your age? Are you mocking me? Yeah Okay why you gotta do that? Oh you know mm ha ha ha ha Sounds like you got the wrong guy Ah we could both play outside- nuh uh Ooh hey Oh gross you’re so smiley! But I don’t mind girl Bah bah black sheep Ha ha nursery rhyme! Yeah Hey I love good nursery rhymes And I just happen to be here? Ohhh-kay You’re so rad – did you bring a camera? I think, yeah Ha ha ha ha ha I need that camera so – Oh oh ayo! Hey I missed you so much huh? What? I can’t really hear you, huh? Oh hey let’s do this I’m ready alright I thought I could feel a bug It isn’t a bug You just thought it was something, girl Oh I just thought it was something Coooooool…? I’m Chorky.
Lumpkinella. Hey. Lumpkinella: it just sounded beautiful. Dude I gotta tell you about my plant in the forest. You’ll see it, right? Sure, I guess, just as long as you don’t get crazy. What? You won’t die. Are you sure? For all I know you could be a horrible evil psycho! You’re so rude! Well, you know I have a fireman friend When Lumpkinella laughed it felt like fireworks were going off. Also fireworks were going off. Oh no! Maybe she wouldn’t notice… She noticed. Uhh- I’m cool! I’m like a cool bomb. A water bomb. A-a-and I ate an egg… Oh no, dude, are you bored? Yeah! Oh then I’ll show you um – Check out one of these bowls that I found in the dollar fun section.
So, um, what do you thi- And just like that she was gone. I guess she wasn’t interested in conveniently priced dishware. That was a pretty great bowl though. By the time school started again I had pretty much forgotten about her. I don’t wanna grow up to be like a dinosaur ’cause everyone will try to scratch me. Yeah, that probably won’t happen. There you go, like a lot of people, just being judgy. Wait a minute.
I recognize that hair. Hi Chorky! Hey. It couldn’t be her, could it? Lumpkinella? Listen up y’all. I need cheesey sandwiches and a gummy fruit, and do your eyes even see, Chorky? Hmm? Okay, well I got some phone chargers for the Irish students. My lips are germy and salty ’cause weird bugs run behind Chorky. Hey guess what? Now you owe me fifteen bucks for your doo doo and shenanigans. Any questions? Ugh, this kid? Yeah, why are worms on me? Whatever! My friends all congratulated me on my cool hallway stance while I waited outside the classroom. And then there she was. Nyah! Awkward! I’m leaving! What do you mean? Your hair… is brown? Well it’s probably ’cause of my transferal clickometer. Wait what’s this transferal thing? Wait, are you a simpleton? What? Oh. Uh well my friends think I’m just normal, um, but I’m really The Pretzel King. I’m quite a guy. Sup, Chorky. Hey, Richmond. You should look behind you. Yeah, well I used to. But I’d see my friends and, um, I don’t want to. I’m kinda feeling like macaroni a- Oh I like when they put glitter on these signs.
I wanna do that. I know, right? Glitter is so cool. I put fruit in a basket and it was dope. Gnyack gnyack! You should put it in a bathroom. Which bathroom, Chorky? Oh, hey, new girl. I think you have a spoiled roach in your shoe. No, I was going to take an old person to prison.Do you hear that? Wow! That’s a baby sheep. Chorky, I’m your new friend now. I’m about to burp. Oh, just like me! Mm-hmm. I like burps. Mmm. Oh. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And loogies! Too gross. Yeah… So you know, I talked to that new girl, and um, I was really weird around her.
How? Oh, you know, feeling nauseous. Chorky, I’m pretty sure you got a problem walking. You need a scooter. Not me. You, buddy. Right then, there was only one thing that could make me feel better: Here we go! Basketball, basketball, we love basketball It’s the best game that we play every day It’s my bouncy ball, It’s your bouncy ball Yeah it’s my bouncy ball Pretty little basketball Wow my feet are so raw (raw feet!) My ears are scared and the baby ostrich is cold And now that makes you feel like you know karate (Yes sensei!) You’re kicking your friend (Don’t kick him!) Oh, why must I just – dance (Hey!) Yeah this is my dance here In the gym, in the gym And this is my best dance And I can do this now Now walk it around, do it, yeah Na na na na hey I gotta clean my teeth and get some sleep And then we take the shot! Once a week my coach would come to the locker room to try to convince me that he was an animal of some kind.
Yeah, it got pretty old. Now don’t run away from me, okay? I’m here. Hey did I tell you I’m a rodent? Yeah, I’m one of them rodents without fur. You see my snout? Hey now, you look me in the eyes, kid, cause I wanna dump a junk pile on my face when I don’t have to. You know what I’m saying? Um yeah? Now see, you get it. Yep, good talk, Chorky. Yo. Can I pinch your shrimps? Mm, awkward. Look my shrimps aren’t around. Seriously? Yep. Um hey. Well what is it? Well I was just, um, it looks like you ate a 26-year old man.
Mm-hmm I did, you’re right. Oh, and a wild boar. One thing people didn’t know about me was that I had an invisible cat named Corville. He was from space. He’d been missing for a few days and I thought I had heard him in the auditorium. Corville? Are you in here? Hey! Oh – hey! Looks like you’re looking for something. Uh, no? Are you? No. I haven’t lost anything. Though I’d like a bike pump. Corville! Hold on buddy! He’s adorable. You tripped over Corville, he’s my space cat. He’s invisible. And now you know. Uh huh Wanna see something real cool? Hand: I gave it to you so you could hold it.
Oh, you’re quite a special bear. I’m not a bear. Oh yeah? How do you know? Think about this: can you play piano like the bear at the mall? Easy. Come on, but you gotta sing. The dog took my leaf The cat took the seat And the human arm was stapled on a pig The doll wears your clothes But the goat wears your robe I’m sure there were always rabbits inside me I think your feet stank so much like corn Wash your toes And I’ve never had someone gross me out like you do Like a rotten tooth And I’ve never had a dumb wart until you came along Yeah, I owe that to you And don’t go get a big fork and fix the ceiling fan Cause that could ruin the fork A-hooo-ooooo Well, missed class now. Chorky! You have huge bangs, and you and your friend are gonna be in the talent show on Monday night. Work on your rhythm.
And that’s how I ended up in the talent show. Oh, great. I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something strange about Lumpkinella, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. Maybe it was because she – no not that. Or maybe it was the way she – no, not that either. And then it hit me like a ton of pounds- Well it’s probably ’cause of my transferal clickometer.Transferal clickometer… Clickometer… clickometer… clickometer Oh, it had been right in front of my face this whole time! She’d probably just been waiting for me to figure it out Dear Lumpkinella, I know you’re a robot. And the secret’s safe with me. I’d never been very good with electronics, but this I could handle. The horse head is terrifying This could cause nightmares in the night Clink-a-chockle-chocka-bee This is good! And I’m gonna be the sunshine duke Cause I’m making that weekend wish I couldn’t decide if Lumpkinella was technically alive or not, but what I did know is that she made me feel more alive. And that’s what really mattered. I also knew that she was having a hard time adjusting to lunch at our school, which, to be honest, I could understand.
Let’s go bang on furniture And then for no reason Everybody’s gonna walk around the tables And we stop – tummy ache And this and this and this and wheee Then we point and yell at the wall! Y’all burping is my passion I’m all like burp, burp, burp, burp Ugh, is that veal? Oh, nope, nuh uh, that’s no no That’s nas-tay! Like tuna on a stick! I like to burp, alright? No no no shh Tom Lee’s dad ran away – quit it And freeze Yeah so after the scientists made me, I slapped the guardian and escaped from the lab. And I’m just trying to be human now. Hmm, I don’t know how to take that. Could you ever forget that you’re totally a mischievous android and you have to run on batteries? You never drank that milk.
I’m gonna go. Oh so if there’s a dog in the bushes that’s funny? No no no. Dagavochu. A sweema tabba dabba jumble. Oh that’s good. Hey you guys should clap.Clapping! Delicious. Hey let’s yell Chorky’s name. CHORKY! Mousy! Derf called you Mousey, but that was just Derf being Derf. He’s a jelly head! Take this, you’ll want it. It’s pretty cool. A potato? Yeah that’s correct. Okay today I want to show you this really old laptop. As you can see from the photo, somewhere out there is a squirrel who has fingers. Um, but, I mean, you know, I could get some of them from the woods. Lumpkinella! You look like a human, but that is not what you are. Guys, can I have some water? Oh that’s fancy, a water? Why don’t you just tell us about the girl? Is she an alien? Of course she’s not, don’t be ridiculous.
Guys, she’s a robot. Okay, her hair is synthetic fiber. You know what? She wanted my cat and I think she stole him. Yeah, Lumpkinella’s not a real girl. She’s just a machine. We can switch her off in a dungeon, and then we’ll go out and get bagels. But we’d have to find a dungeon first. Do they even still have them now? Oh dear, you’re busted, robot.
It’s for the best, Lumpkinella. Chorky needs a regular girl, with no hum. By the way, do all robots cry this much? Hey Chorky, do you like oxygen? I have to have it! Yeah, I know, right? Woo, I got an owie. Hilarious. I heard what you just said to all your little boy friends. But I’m n- Now everyone’s gonna talk about us. They’ll be like “Here comes Fleshy and his mean old robot. How do those two stay together?” Turns out, they don’t. Lumpkinella! Lumpkinella’s android brain must have somehow misinterpreted what I’d said.
When she cut herself out of my life, I lost my best friend, my talent show partner, and the cutest free tech support agent ever. Hello? I’ve been looking for you. Who is this? Why don’t you turn around and see? I just wanted to say: “I saw a beaver jogging Over the top of that dune And his feet looked so wet Adorable little wet dude Oh beaver jogger in the night How did you get so wet? If you’re in my yard I’ll get you socks or something soon” I wrote that for you. It’s about us. You know if we leave now we could still make the talent show. Then let’s go. …what you say Cause I am about to drink from The popular cup! We’re here! Hey, we’re here! Ahhhh! We made it! Don’t start it without me. Don’t worry. Hold on, I’m gonna get the mics. Lumpkinella may have been a machine, but that night she displayed one very human emotion: stage fright.
Um, ahhh Wait, what are you doing? I can’t do it. Not when all these people are scared of me. Hey hey, wait wait. Remember the night we first met? Remember talk dance? Let’s do this. Move those feet girl, come on Get ready Mm, hey, I need fries yeah I want a monkey friend Mm, monkey friend mm hmm Hey, can you feel the breeze today? Mm I gotta go around like oh woop woop oh sho I like trash bags oh oh ee ooh Like owww and I’m very soft I’m sure oh hey Oh ho hee I need a rooster charm I don’t have any pockets mm mm So you want a monkey friend Hmm? A monkey friend? Yeah! And I already know what’s gonna happen That weekend when you buy a piranha Yeah it will bite your feet Say uh step step yeah Like that mm mm – Ohhh Hey And I’m maybe gonna walk down to that plant store But only on weekends Because that’s when they get new plants And we can say ewie Ohh we bought a new ficus Yeah and the old one uh The older one is just sitting in the house And it gets in the way like it’s a – (I forgot to add on the “whee”) Ahhh! Despite the crowd’s reaction, we were definitely the worst act that night, and we came in last place.
Ha ha Still though, I felt like a winner. It was finally time for everyone to perform the song and dance routine we’d been rehearsing for weeks. .
As found on Youtube